Recently, I was thinking about my days in elementary school. I had a whole host of complications at that time including problems walking long distances, difficulties in math, and a need for both speech and physical therapy. I also had a significant overbite. These things, among others, led to me being bullied. Thinking about these things, I began to think of what I might have said to myself at that age. For this reason, I decided to write a letter to myself in elementary school. I was surprised at the amount of personal growth that I found. If you haven’t already, it is something I would definitely recommend that you try.
Dear younger self,
I know that elementary school may seem impossible today but let me tell you something. You will make it through, and it will get better. No, I have not forgotten what elementary school was like. I remember being picked up in the mornings on that dreaded short bus. I know the doctor said that we couldn’t walk long distances, but Mom wouldn’t even let us walk to a regular bus stop. Because we couldn’t afford a car, she had us taken to school on the bus that picked up all the kids with intellectual disabilities. I remember just how embarrassing it all was.
If I can give you one bit of advice, it would be this: don’t worry about it. As you get older, you will understand that what other people think of you doesn’t really amount to that much. People are going to make assumptions about you throughout your life, based on everything from your disabilities to your religion, to your parenting choices. The thing is that these assumptions rarely have much effect on you. Learn to stop worrying about them now.
As for the kids on the bus themselves, they are some of the kindest, gentlest, and most pure souls heaven has to offer. It won’t hurt you at all to spend some time in their presence.
Then there was the ever dreaded special ed math class. I remember walking down the hallway to the special ed room, the whole time praying that no one sees us. Not that it would make much difference either way. There was that giant corkboard with bright yellow paper on it just outside of the classroom. It had everyone in special ed’s names on it in two-inch-high letters. I’ll give it to you, that was mortifying.
Now as for the special ed itself, unfortunately you need to be there for right now. Not forever, just right now.
But it’s not because you’re stupid. You are in advanced reading for goodness sake, so please don’t think that. You just struggle with math for now. Eventually, we’ll become pretty comfortable with it.
But this isn’t the only reason you are in special ed. It’s also where you receive speech and physical therapy, something that you need. Why they couldn't do that outside of the special ed classroom, I don't know. Just hold on a little while longer; you’re out of special ed by the time elementary school is over.
And of course, the struggles don’t end there. There’s the overbite and the weird haircut that Mom insisted on. Not to mention that you have always been your own person (by the way, hold on to that) and didn’t always act like the other kids. Combine everything else with this and it’s a recipe for disaster. Some kids pick on you and everyone else seems to misunderstand you. Some kids just think you’re a little bit weird. Others think you are full on mentally retarded.
Let me tell you something now that a wise woman will tell us in the future: “Some people just won’t get it.” Why? Because people often take shortcuts with their thinking. They see certain things (the short bus, special ed, physical deformities, acting differently) and draw conclusions from that. They also ignore things that negate the ideas that they have (advanced reading, spending most of the day outside of the special ed class). I promise you that anyone who gets to know you doesn't think these things about you. Don’t let what other people assume about you change how you think or feel about yourself. And just as an FYI, in the future the overbite will be corrected, and you will choose your own hair style.
As for bullies, you are going to run into them throughout your life. Even in places where you would think people would act like adults, like work and church. I know it doesn’t seem like it now, but bullying behavior will bother you less and less overtime. You will eventually react with a mixture of humor and pity. Like you can’t decide if you think it’s funny or sad that some people never outgrew seventh grade behavior.
I’m not going to lie to you, life isn’t easy. But you will get through it. What you are experiencing now will make you stronger and more adaptable in the future. As you grow older you will begin to experience life and your troubles differently. Specifically – through learned skills and life lessons –how to be more understanding and patient with yourself and others. You will also join a church that will leave you confident that there is a purpose in all this. Until then, try to understand that you are not any less because of what anyone else may say or think about you. You will get through this or I wouldn't be writing to you today.
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