Being in crisis is a very difficult thing. It feels like all of your problems are insurmountable. It seems like nothing is going right and never will go right again. Often, any composure you had is broken, and even if you somehow can somehow scrape some together, it won’t take much to make it crumble.
Helping someone out who is in crisis can be equally difficult. It’s often hard to know what to say or do. Having both worked in mental health care and been a client, I have experienced both of these situations. Because of this, I feel that it is important to know how to help someone who is experiencing such a crisis and would like to share with you some of the things that I have learned.
A person in crisis has endured a build up of of these seemingly insurmountable problems over time or may have even experienced traumatic events that have lead them to this state. Their pain has gotten to the point that they can no longer manage it and are in need of help and reassurance.
Seeing someone in crisis can be a scary and stressful experience. They may be screaming, crying or acting out in some other way. They may make threats to themselves or others. If the person you are talking to says they are suicidal, talk openly with them about it. Don’t be afraid to ask them if they have a plan. If the person has or hurt themselves, others, or if you think they may do so, call your local emergency telephone number such as 911.
If emergency help must be called, ask for a CIT officer. CIT or Crisis Intervention Team officers have been trained ways to deescalate and communicate effectively with persons who are in crisis. They can help to neutralize the situation, leading to a better outcome for all involved.
If the person is not in immediate danger, the best thing you can do is sit and listen to them. Remember that this person is in a lot of pain. Let them tell you what is going on with them. Let them know that though you may not fully understand what they are going through, you care for and want to help them. Validate the fact that this is a hard time for them. As therapist Larry Shushansky says, “Try not to figure out what the ‘right’ thing to say is – just be caring and concerned and let that show through in your conversation.”1
There are a few things you should not do while someone is in crisis. Do not yell at them or scold them for the way they are acting. Don’t tell them that they need to have a better attitude about life or otherwise diminish what they are experiencing. Now is not the time to debate whether what they are doing or telling you is right or wrong. Doing these things may actually make the situation worse.
Another thing to remember is that you should give someone who is in crisis your full attention. Other activities need to be put on hold until the situation is under control. This includes things such as work, school, and religious observances. You would never insist that someone having a heart attack needs to go to church. The same should be said for someone who is suicidal or have some other type of mental health emergency.
Once the person is calm and in a better state of mind, encourage them to seek the help of a therapist or psychologist. If they are already seeing one, encourage them to make an appointment as soon as possible.
It can be very difficult dealing with someone who is in crisis. You may not feel like you know what to say or do. Please remember, the thing this person needs the most is for someone to be there for them. Someone to listen to them and understand their pain. You can be that person.
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