It was a Friday morning and I had way too much going on in my head. My relationship with Ford seemed to be slipping away. Now that he is older, he doesn’t want so much “mom time.” And most of our conversations seemed so mundane. But this wasn’t my only relationship problem. It felt like I didn't have anyone to talk to. I was starting to wonder if anyone had ever really liked me to begin with. From there, my thoughts just continued down the rabbit hole. If no one liked me, how could I do my job? At that time, I worked as a Peer Support Specialist and one of my main duties was to be a mentor for others with mental illness receiving treatment where I worked. But who was going to want to take life advice from someone they don’t respect. Why would they? I can’t even get my own life together.
On top of that, over the past couple of days I had developed a nasty sore throat and a cough. I had already taken a home COVID test that had come back negative. But when I checked my temperature and saw I was running a fever, I decided to see a doctor.
The doctor gave me a once over and asked me how long my symptoms had been going on. When I told him for a few days, he sighed, “We’ve been seeing a lot of false negatives on home tests. Just take it as if it’s the real thing. Go home, isolate for a few days, and rest.”
When Sunday came around, I was feeling better physically, but I was still feeling upset. I thought that finally being able to leave the house might make me feel better. If I counted from the day my symptoms had first started, my five-day quarantine period was over, and I could go to church. But as I put my shoes on, I had a strong feeling that I should stay home. What's one more day? I thought, suppressing an eye roll. So, I put on tennis shoes and connected to the Zoom link for church.
As the grainy feed came up, I noticed an older man sitting beside the bishop and his councilors. He seemed familiar, but with the angle of the camera, I couldn't tell who he was. However, he seemed to carry a strong presence, even though the computer screen. Weird, I thought.
As the prelude music faded, the bishop's first councilor, who I will call Brother Linwood, came up to the mike. He seemed nervous, unusual for someone who speaks to the congregation regularly. After a customary greeting, he said, “I will be conducting this meeting and Elder Dale G Runlund of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles who is seated on the stand with me,” he indicated the elderly man at the end of the row, “will be presiding.”
What? A visit from an apostle is a rare occurrence, and when it does happen, it is usually announced ahead of time. (I later found out that Elder Runlund was in town for one of the many festivals we have here every year.) I let out a disgruntled sigh. Well, at least I won't give Elder Runlund COVID, I thought.
“We will be blessing my daughter today,” Brother Linwood continued. He invited the men forward who had been asked to participate in the blessing, then walked off camera to gather his infant child. I wondered if Elder Runlund would be asked to take part as I watched the other men file past the camera. After a moment, I saw Elder Runlund, lean forward, nod and walk after them.
That would have been a sight to see, I thought as I listened to the prayer.
Brother Linwood came forward again, wiping at his eyes. He announced the sacrament hymn and as the music began, the screen went black. (The sacrament [what we call communion] is considered sacred and is not to be recorded.) The quiet moment gave me some time to write down what had happened. I can compare notes with Ford later, I thought. Maybe he will pass the sacrament to Elder Renulnd. That would be something to talk about.
Then it occurred to me, this is just what we needed. Here is an opportunity to talk to Ford about something real and important. Instead of laughing with him at the antics of a YouTuber or passively watching him build things in Minecraft, we can have a worthwhile conversation.
About this time, I heard Brother Linwood’s voice again, “It is now time for the sharing of testimonies.” The screen had come back on, and the councilor was at the stand. “I would like to start by bearing my testimony. I knew that my daughter would be blessed this morning, and that made me nervous. Then when I heard who might be coming to Sacrament meeting…” there was an awkward pause where you could almost hear ecclesiastical leader gulp, “and anyway…” He went on to speak about his own witness of Jesus Christ as the son of God and His redeeming mission here on Earth. At the end of his remarks, he invited others in the congregation to share their testimonies. “At the end of the hour,” he said, “Elder Runlund will speak to us.”
Brother Linwood’s wife was the first person to come to the podium. “I would like to say how grateful I am to be here and in this wonderful ward…”
That's easy for you to say, I thought. People actually like you. She went on to speak about how her neighbors had been helpful and kind. I was ready to make another snarky comment to myself when the Spirit spoke to me, what have people here done for you? So instead, I sat back and thought about it. It didn’t take me long toI remember when a woman had given me a hug when I was having a panic attack. I recalled how the bishoprick had given me $100 out of the blue last Christmas when I had missed a great deal of work due to illness and didn’t know how I would get through the month. Lastly, I thought of how Eric and Iris not only took in Ford but have adopted me as a full member of their family. There really are people who care about me, I thought.
The next speaker was a girl in her teens. "I'm so grateful that I got to go to Girls Camp this year…" Most congregations throughout the Church hold annual camping trips, one for teen boys and one for teen girls. The camping trips are a time for teens and their leaders to spend time together and discuss spiritual things. Activities are always at the heart of these events. The young lady at the stand described an activity where the girls were blindfolded and tasked with following a string, tied between two trees, from one end to the other. The girls had to start out on their own, but through prayer and with the help of their leaders, they were all able to find their way.
The exercise was meant to symbolize our journey through life and how we need both prayer and the help others to get though, but what most stood out to me was the role of the leaders. Because the girls were blindfolded and the leaders could see, the girls needed the leaders to help them find their way. Right then, I was reminded of my job at the time. I was responsible for helping others with mental health challenges to find their way to a happy and successful life. And the thing that most qualified me for my job is being a person living well with mental illness. I was able to help others along because I can see the steps along the way to a healthy life. At that moment, I understood that I really was needed at my job. (Although I no longer work at this job, I consider this blog to be an extension of this type of guidance.)
As the testimonies continued, relief and gratitude replaced anger, loneliness, and frustration. I may have missed this opportunity to meet Elder Runlund, but I gained answers to the problems I had been experiencing.
As the last member sat down, Elder Runlund took the stand. He extended greetings from President Nelson before he went on to comment on the baby blessing. He said it reminded him of a French lullaby and how it was meant to reassure children about the love of their Heavenly Parents. I couldn’t help but think about how I had been comforted and reassured. That in the way that I have established a relationship with my Heavenly Father, that I could establish a relationship with my son. That I not only had God’s love with me, but also the love of others around me.
At that moment, I was given an impression that reaffirmed that I was needed. Not just at my work, but also in the Church. That I was to stay home that day to record what was happening. If I had been in church, I would have been too distracted by the situation at hand, and no doubt Ford's questions, to write anything down.
Elder Runlund also assured us that “Jesus Christ leads and directs this Church.” As he bore his testimony of the Savior, I understood that my life was full and had more meaning and purpose in it than I had known before. That although I had missed Elder Renulnd, that I had gained a greater awareness of the significant parts of my life.
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